dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it penis luge time yet?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
