when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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