does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize