Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
