Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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