even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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