Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
