Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
