When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
