we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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