My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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