There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
