So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
