The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
