3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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