I need to stop coming to work sober
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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