hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
