Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
