there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
