but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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