dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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