drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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