tonight lets celebrate not being married
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
