so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
even my farts smell like vagina
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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