People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
