the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
