I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
