Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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