can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
