Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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