That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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