I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize