Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize