i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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