sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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