I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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