At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want her autograph on my taint
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize