His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
