I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
