Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
