i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
