we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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