Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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