I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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