Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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