So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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