I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
