Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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