I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize