How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just cropdusted the office
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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