Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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