So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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