i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
