They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
