You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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