Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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