Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
