Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
