I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
