so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
