I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
