I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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