apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize