i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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