nut hugger
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
