dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize