$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
