Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
