Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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