So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
