i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
