You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
