Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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